Aunt Alice’s Century Birthday Continues

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts about Aunt Alice, anyone who had more than a brief encounter with her knew she had quite a sense of humor. While she certainly was never humorous at inappropriate times, and absolutely was sympathetic to those mourning a loss or battling an illness, she lived out Proverbs 17:22, which reminds us that “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” Aunt Alice had congestive heart failure, but even that notwithstanding, her heart and mind were always cheerful and ready to hear a good joke or funny story and then re-tell it. I’ve often wondered if maybe her ability to re-tell things wasn’t one of her secrets to her remarkable memory, which was intact when I last spoke to her, about 28 hours before she died.

These are peonies that were almost always in bloom with Aunt Alice visited in the spring. They were transplanted from the Moore farm in the spring of 1942 when my grandparents moved to Johnson City. This is their third home after that transplantation, so it’s their fifth home. I always breathe a sigh of relief when I see the buds.

These are some stories I’ve heard recently that I know Aunt Alice would love to tell. I hope they provide a laugh for you as well.

The Minneapolis-Florida Story

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. Her husband was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

Her son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve Arrived

Date: January 26, 2019

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

The Wal-Mart Greeter

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”

Seemingly puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It’s odd though you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Army. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and almost every day?”

The old man looked down at the floor, and then smiled.

He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, “They usually saluted and said, ‘Good morning General. How would you like your coffee this morning, sir?’”

Penguins!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?

Where do they go? Wonder no more!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow,”

“Which nobody can deny!”

And there will be more memories about Aunt Alice next week, if the Good Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise!